Ask Sam

Used for Sex

Dear Sam: I have a friend that went out with a guy for a few weeks. She never slept with him even though he wanted her to. He broke up with her soon after she said “no”. I think he was using her for sex but she doesn’t see it from my point of view. Now she is chasing him and says she really loves him. I’ve tried to explain to her that he treated her badly and she deserves better, but she won’t listen. Is she a hopeless case? What else should I do?

K

Dear K: Thank you for being the friend that you are! Even though you may be frustrated, she’s not a hopeless case and she certainly deserves better! The truth is, your friend has experienced rejection. She trusted someone and got snubbed. That’s rejection, and it hurts! Her actions of chasing him and thinking she loves him are an attempt to ease her pain.

As her friend, ask her this question. What are your expectations of a boyfriend? Expectations should be based on what is healthy and right, and not on what feels good. Being kind, thoughtful of others and not after sex are appropriate expectations. A great relationship can start with healthy expectations!

When she has taken time to carefully consider “what she wants in a guy” she can “reject” actions or attitudes that don’t measure up. That’s exactly what this guy did. He had expectations (unhealthy ones) for their relationship, and when they didn’t happen, it was over.

Keep being a friend,
Sam
placeholder

showmehow