Ask Sam

On a boyfriend sabbatical

Dear Sam: Ok I have this problem and I'm so happy that someone is going to listen (I hope you will). Anyway I am going out with this guy. I like him and stuff but he doesn't go to my school and so I don't really see him that much. I really like this other guy in my class at my school and I don't know if he likes me too but he's really nice. I don't know what I should do because I don't know how to dump someone. I donno what to do?! or who to talk to...

KV

Dear KV: The fact that you already have one boyfriend and another guy waiting in the wings tells me the problem is not about “getting a guy” but rather who is best for you. Discovering who is best for you requires some understanding of who you are!

By that I mean, what makes you who you are? What do you enjoy doing? What personality characteristics are important to you? What do you value in life? What are your personal goals, for relationships, your education, and the future? What is important to you spiritually? When you understand who you are, it's easier to decide which guy fits the picture. The heart-breaking task of “dumping someone” will happen less often.

Here's my advice: Tell both guys you are taking a “boyfriend sabbatical” for a while. Think about the questions I mentioned, and when a guy comes along that connects with who you are and where you are going, you've got the strongest foundation possible to begin a healthy, not hurtful relationship on.

Hope that helps,
Sam

PS: The best person to talk to is usually someone you look up to. Someone older, and wiser that loves you and has made decisions in their life that you value. How about your parents or youth minister?
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