Ask Sam

Why does my friend suddenly hate me?

Dear Sam: Last year at school I went to a late French immersion program and my friend didn't do to well. This year they told her she had to go to the English classroom. She still hung out with us, until one day she was with a group of other girls she used to talk bad about. We asked her why? "I don't feel comfortable around you guys any more" she said, really snobbily. Can you think of anything that would make her suddenly hate us?

Thank you very much,
CJM

Dear CJM: It's hard to say why your friend feels uncomfortable with you. The word your friend used is "uncomfortable" though, be careful not to escalate it to "hate". Here's my advice on how to be a comfortable person again.
  1. Hang out - You could invite her over, go to a movie, for a walk or out for lunch. Do something you know that your friend likes to do. Find a setting or place that you know she is comfortable in to re-build the relationship.
  2. Apologize - even if you don't know what you did, you owe her an apology for making her feel uncomfortable.
  3. Reassure - Perhaps somehow your friend got the impression that you didn't like her any more or feel she doesn't "fit in" with your group. It can be hard sometimes to fit into a group or feel you belong. Reassure your friend that she does have a spot in your group or with you. Talk to your friend and find out what is going on with her and let her know you appreciate her friendship. Talking is the best way to find out what is really going on!
If your friend chooses to still feel uncomfortable with you, at least you've done the right thing. You're never responsible for someone else's actions only your own.

Sincerely, Sam
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