Ask Sam

How much of a friend are you?

Dear Sam: My friend is going out with this guy in grade 10. The problem REALLY seems like she likes a guy in my class. They flirt constantly and sometimes my friend even ditches me for him. It makes me really angry that she would be willing to risk our friendship for a guy. How can I tell her how I feel... or should I? I really have no idea what to do.

Upset and Angry

Dear Upset and Angry: You are experiencing a test of friendship, in two ways. Her friendship to you, and your friendship to her. It's not one sided. Telling your friend how you feel is necessary, but it's a little tricky. Here's some things to think about.

How much of a friend is she to you? Will she hear all, some, or nothing of what you have to say? Be careful. Know the limits of the friendship and work within them. Understand how much of a friend she is to you. This allows the friendship to build naturally without unrealistic expectations spoiling it.

How much of a friend are you to her? Good friends talk to each other without accusing them. Using words like “I felt left out the other day when.” or “It hurt my feelings when” emphasizes your problem in the situation, not hers. Give her the benefit of the doubt. Avoid questioning her friendship. Simply tell her how her actions are affecting you.

Finally, where and when you talk is important. Choose a time and place that's calm. Invite her to your house after school, or go for a walk together during lunch. That's when true friendships can find sincere solutions.

Hope this helps!
Sam
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