Ask Sam
Depression is not an identity
Hi Sam: For about six months, i havent exactly been myself. im pretty sure that i have depression. but last weekend i went to Girl's Heart Point. My mom was really concerned about me because im sad all the time, im tired and when i go in public i worry about what they think of me so much that i hang my head really low and look at the floor. Somtimes I even get a little sweaty. I feel like im worthless and its even harder to be the way i used to when i was a child because im the biggest one out of my friends and i feel like the biggest one in the world. i hat shopping for pants. i am very self concious. i also am super jealous of my friends, especially one. i know it sounds stupid, being jealous of my best friend but it tares me apart every day. she's gorgeous and everyone likes her because she's funny and just fun to hang around. half the guys in my class are in complete love with her (no exaggeration). and i just want that sort of thing. you know, to have one guy in the world to just want to be around me just because they want to be with me. She's everything i've wanted to be, someone i used to be like, but now, no matter how hard i try, i cant go back.
i cry all the time, and im tired all the time. i feel worthles, like im never good enough at whatever i do, im unsure about who i am, and everything i do i feel like its not good enough. ever since i became depressed i always go into my closet to cry and think. Most of the time its about how bad i feel about my self. this time, the devil took over my mind and everything i thought was just painful to my self. i kept praying to god to make these thoughts stop because i knew they weren't good for me. i thought about the past. im always compared to other people, its how i grew up. i was and still am, the odd one in my family, im not as beautiful or skinny as my sister, and not as funny or athletic as my brother. and other people noticed that, i was picked on for most of my life because of it. well, back to the closet story, all of these thoughts came back to me about my past and my present, and i just didnt want to live any more, so i tried to kill my self, by suffocating myself. i tried twice, but failed because i , knew that God had a plan for me and i wanted to find out what it was.
After i told my mom that i thought that i had depression, i felt happy. i felt like myself again, but that feeling only last a couple of days. that is why im writing to you. i dont have a question for you, i just needed to talk to someone, because its too hard for me to give my mom the details about my thoughts.
Depressed
Thank you for telling me your story, you did the right thing. Many times in life we feel overwhelmed by our situation that we need help. It takes courage to admit it and do something about it. Thank you. Now, here's what I'd like you to do as starting point.
- First of all, keep talking to your mom. Tell her everything that is happening, how you feel, what you think etc. You'll never really know how much your mom loves you until you become a mom. She'll be your best supporter through all of this. It sounds like talking to your mom made you feel betterÖ.keep doing that.
- Get your mom to make you a doctor's appointment. The doctor will be able to tell if your feelings warrant medication. Sometimes we need medication to get us on our feet, then we can work on getting our thoughts under control better. Once our thoughts are under control again and we have the proper coping tools in place, we can be weaned off the medication. That's perfectly normal. The doctor will know if you need medication or not. Check it out.
- Ask your mom to help you find a good Christian counselor. The counselor will teach you how to manage your negative thoughts and get to the root of why you feel so bad about yourself. It's important that the counsellor has the same ideas about faith because faith plays an important part in helping you get better.
- Once you've done those three things, I would also suggest finding a youth group that teaches God's Word in ways you understand. Get a journal and write down what you're thinking. It's a good way to get negative emotions out so that your mind doesn't constantly think about them. At the end of each journal entry, write at least 2 things you can be thankful for. Visiting places where negative thoughts started often gets them going again, out of habit. Avoid your closet for a while.
You are a sweet daughter of God. You are valued and important. Others know that, now it's your turn to find out! Thinking of you,
Sam
xo
