Ask Sam
Self-Pleasuring
Sam:
Please tell me if there is anything wrong with masturbation or self-pleasuring?
Rattled
Dear Rattled:
Thank you for asking this question. Usually masturbation and self-pleasuring is associated with a lot of guilt and shame, so I’m glad you had the boldness to ask. Many people struggle in this area.
To start, please read my other answers in this section. There’s some great advice about how masturbation defrauds yourself. That’s one reason for avoiding it.
Additionally, because masturbation is usually done in private, it can be done frequently. When someone masturbates frequently, they get to know their body and its sexual responses very well. They can easily and quickly gratify themselves sexually. This poses a problem later in marriage.
Sexual intimacy and gratification in marriage, between two people does not come naturally. It takes time and commitment to understand another’s sexual responses. If someone has masturbated for a long time, she may find intimacy in marriage to be less satisfying causing her husband to feel inadequate.
For those two reasons, I would avoid masturbation.
If masturbation has become a habit, please get help. I would suggest talking with your mom, a pastor, counselor or a trusted older cousin or aunt. Whenever we expose a problem, the shame and guilt lifts. We also develop a level of accountability that can help us break the problem.
Hope that helps,
Sam
