Girls' Heart Point 

Answers to Your Questions About Food

Is it possible to have a totally healthy relationship with food? Is it possible to like your body and feel good about yourself? According to Pam Erdman, the answer to both questions is “Yes,” but it sure isn’t easy. As a marriage, family and child therapist, she has spent 20 years meeting with girls to talk about food, their bodies, and the way the two go together. We recently had a chance to ask her a bunch of questions – the kinds of questions you would want to ask – and she gave us some surprising answers. Whether you struggle with food, or know someone who does (add the two together and you pretty much cover everyone), her answers will open your eyes to the truth about food.

What is an eating disorder?
An eating disorder is what happens when your relationship with food is distorted enough that it impacts the quality of your life. Almost all of us have struggles with food, but when food starts to profoundly impact your social, emotional, and spiritual life, you might have an eating disorder.

What are the main types of eating disorders?
Well, there are four types. The first two, anorexia and bulimia, get a lot of attention in the media. Anorexia is actually pretty rare because technically a girl has to starve herself until she is 25% below her ideal body weight. A girl is bulimic when she binges on a lot of food, like 1600 or 2000 calories in one setting. Then she purges, or gets rid of, the food, through vomiting, laxatives, drugs like speed, or excessive exercising.

The third isn’t as well known. It’s called bulimerexia, and it’s like a combination between bulimia and anorexia. A girl doesn’t have to be 25% below her ideal body weight, like in anorexia, but she is probably pretty thin. And like a bulimic, she spends a lot of time and energy trying to figure out how to stay that way. She’s probably pretty controlled and disciplined, so she’s most likely to turn to excessive exercising as a way to get rid of the calories she’s eaten.

The fourth is compulsive overeating. It’s actually probably the most common of all of them. This girl likely doesn’t exercise much, and overeats because she doesn’t know how to handle her emotions. Her weight is like a yo yo – it will go up and down – but she’s usually at least 30 pounds overweight.

You’ve mentioned exercising quite a bit already. Isn’t that a good thing to do?
Yes, it is, but for too many teenage girls, exercise is part of the mind games they play with their food. Instead of playing sports like soccer, swimming, or gymnastics for fun, girls with unhealthy attitudes toward food view them as ways to purge, or get rid of, the categories they’ve eaten.

What about dieting? Is that OK to do?
Well, moderate dieting isn’t an actual eating disorder, but the bottom line is that diets don’t work. You might lose weight for a while, but then you almost always gain it back. Plus you usually put on even more weight long-term.

What causes eating disorders?
The number one cause of eating disorders is the need to control. Girls who feel internally, emotionally or spiritually out of control might look to food as something that can be easily controlled. Girls who don’t have the skills to deal with their feelings might do the same thing.

But there are also other causes. Some girls fear growing up, others fear their emerging sexuality. Plus girls’ families are part of the equation. Families that are either chaotic or super controlling might make a girl want to have some control of her own. Families that have super high expectations and put a lot of pressure on daughters might make a girl more likely to have an eating disorder. Or families that lack emotional support and don’t help their daughters deal with their feelings often have daughters who struggle with food.

Isn’t it enough for a mom or dad to compliment their daughter on how she looks?
Well, that’s a start, but it’s not enough. Moms who say their daughter is beautiful one minute, but then the next minute are criticizing their own bodies, send mixed messages. The girl hears that her mom doesn’t like her own body so therefore she can’t like hers either. Plus parents who are constantly criticizing other people’s bodies might send their daughters the message that anything less than a perfect body is unacceptable.

Are girls today more, or less, likely to develop eating disorders now than ten or twenty years ago?
I think more. Expectations are rising for girls. Many families focus on success, which boils down to appearance and achievement. Girls who are under a lot of pressure about their looks, grades, or sports but don’t have a lot of emotional support are eating disorders waiting to happen.

Are there particular ages at which a girl is most likely to have an eating disorder?
Yes, there are two main stages of life that are danger zones. The first is when a girl is 12 or 13 and entering puberty. The second is when she begins college. She has left her family, and she compensates for the separation by trying to control her food.

We’ve been talking a lot about girls. What about guys? Do they get eating disorders?
Yes, they do, but not as much as girls. But I think it’s going to rise soon. More and more men are moving toward body building, exercise, and body sculpting. Plus men tend to be more overweight. Add these up and you get someone who’s likely to struggle with food.

How do I know if a friend is struggling with an eating disorder?
Well, there are lots of signs. Here are a few:

• A girl will change her behavior. For instance, she might have previously loved going out for pizza and movies, but now she chooses to stay home instead.
• That’s because a girl with an eating disorder often ends up isolated. Like someone who is depressed, she would rather go home and sleep than be with people.
• She might develop odd eating behaviors and rituals. She doesn’t eat like before. She eats way more or way less.
• She wears baggy clothes to cover her body.
• She sudden gains or loses a lot of weight.
• She talks about her weight A LOT.
• She describes herself as “fat” when she’s really pretty thin.
• She lies. She might say that “I already ate” when you know she skipped breakfast and lunch.

What should I do if I think a friend has an eating disorder?
Talk to her and let her know you’re concerned about her. Ask her to talk to a parent or an adult that she trusts. Volunteer to go with her if she’d like.

What if she won’t talk with an adult? Should I tell her parents myself?
Tell your own parents first. Then together figure out what to do. Or you can leave an anonymous note with a small group leader, school counselor, or youth pastor asking their advice.

Pam, when you’re counseling a girl who has an eating disorder, what are you hoping to do?
First, I want to help them get honest. I want to create a safe place where they can talk about their attitudes toward food. Next, we talk about why they might be eating and acting like they are. Third, I try to get to the emotions behind the behaviors. We try to figure out if there’s a better way to deal with those feelings than starving themselves or exercising.

Besides going to counseling, what are some tangible things that a girl who’s struggling with food can do?
She should start journaling. Journaling is a powerful way to record our inner feelings, and how we feel about ourselves. Plus she should meditate on Scripture. She needs to know how much God loves and cares about her. She might want to get into a support group, either at her church or at a place like Overeaters Anonymous, which often has free support groups for teens. Finally, she could contact her doctor, local school or church to find out more about how to get some personal and professional counseling.